This is a “selfie” I took when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Aj. This is one of my favorite pictures. My belly was cute and round, no longer flabby and I was feeling great!! I posted this picture proudly on my Facebook page captioned, “only 20 long weeks to go!!”
That was on June 28. Just 82 days later I would be delivering my son still.
Oh, how I wish I could be that woman in the picture again. Her eyes are so full of life. Her smile radiates happiness. Her future seems set in stone…….a baby boy just 20 weeks away. She is blissfully unaware of what tragedy awaits her in just a few months.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
My innocent expectations have been destroyed. My heart has been broken. I have been completely devastated. My faith has been tested beyond what I could have ever imagined……..yet, I am not destroyed. I am not beyond repair. God has not deserted me.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
God promises that my heart will be healed, and my wounds will be taken care of. I trust him to do that. But I know that I will never be the same women in that picture. Although my heart will be made whole again, the scars from AJ’s death will remain forever. I am forever changed.