Busy…

That’s what I was today, busy. I was running around here and there, grabbing last minute stuff. I actually went to Food lion twice!! The traffic was crazy, and the stores were packed.

Honestly, I welcomed the distraction. With my mind occupied by the busyness, I didn’t have to face my feelings today. I didn’t have to admit how much the holiday season hurts. I could just push all of that sadness to the back, just for a bit.

Of course, once I was alone in the shower, the floodgates of my soul burst open. The tears came streaming out. I had to face the truth, Aj not being here really sucks!! There are empty places under the tree, where his gifts should’ve been. A cute little Christmas outfit he never wore, is packed away in a tote. There will be no sweet first Christmas pictures for my little boy.

I feel like a little kid whose parents just told her, “no you can’t have it!!” I want to throw myself on the floor, roll around a bit, and kick my feet. I want to shout, “it’s not fair!!” I don’t understand. I just wish things could’ve been different. I just wish he was here.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

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