September 17,2013

Tomorrow, our biggest boy Aj will be celebrating his second birthday in heaven 💙

Looking For the Break in the Clouds

Last year at this moment, I was sitting in Labor and Delivery. The nurses had just spent the last 10 minutes searching for my little boys heartbeat on the Doppler without any luck. They assured me, “I’m sure it’s ok. Let’s just wait for the doctor to do an ultrasound.” But I could see the sadness on their faces, and tears started to roll from my eyes. “He’s gone isn’t he?” No one responds. My doctor arrives, looks at me with a worried smile, and starts the ultrasound. We’re all looking to the screen. There, he is…but he’s not moving. The familiar flicker of the heartbeat is absent. “Sibyl, I am so sorry….” I’m confused. How is this even possible??

“We have to check you now?”
I’m unable to respond through the tears.

“She’s 1 cm dialated’,” I hear the doctor tell the nurse. I cry even harder. My body…

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